“A love letter to a future child or spirit.” Flower song by Kylie Minogue

“You don’t have to be DEFINED by what has happened to you, it’s what you do AFTERWARDS that counts.” Katie Piper October 2012.

Well Half Term is nearly over with my little cherubs, so my house is back to it’s ‘pre-Halloween’ state and my blog ideas just keep oozing!

It’s been an interesting week, what with The Daily Mirror, Pride of Britain Awards 2012  most notably, contributor  Katie Piper. She suffered enormously with her facial acid attack, from a former boyfriend, and has since undergone over 100 progress improvement  operations since, but she is one in a million.

People have often said to me that,

“You don’t’ want your illness to define you.. do you?”

To which I have always got enormously ‘stroke’ irritated. Why not, I think? If I died tomorrow, and my tombstone said (unlike the creep Saville)

‘I helped change outcomes and attitudes to locked in patients worldwide’,

Then, I would have turned my massive negative into a huge positive, and achieved something worthwhile with my short life.

I would made a real difference to the world and truly learnt, taught and lived. I’d have had chance to iron out some of my personality failings and re-adjust our kids to OUR massive trauma. I’d also think, ‘so what if my name conjures up my association with locked in syndrome and strokes and disability?’ I’m proud of that. I have, and will always be, passionate about helping others, affected like I was and they are.

So absolutely feel free to judge me by what I have achieved in less than 3 years from my actual major brainstem stroke with locked in syndrome, I frankly don’t care.

How poignant that Katie also said, “Having a scar means never having a day off.” Well I also agree with that. Although, my emotional scar is not visibly obvious to anyone else.(Thanks fellow ‘strokee’ Sue Sandars for reminding me of this on Facebook. Incidentally, Sue and I both also agree that all disabled people should be in the future referred to as ‘Less-able’ individuals.)

Then on a separate occasion to the Pride Of Britain Awards, I was totally floored by comments made from the iconic Kylie Minogue singer on the BBC Breakfast just today. Our very wonderful Kylie was talking about her new album, ‘Kylie, The Abbey Lane Sessions’

It’s a remash with her old back catalogue with just one new track – Flower.

This is a track is described by her as a,

“Love letter to a future child or spirit.” Her song was  inspired by her need to leave some comforting words of herself, and her attitude, as a woman who is currently not a mum. I guess that she too brushed death after her own dreadful cancer scare and treatment. However, how lovely she put her thoughts and it’s well worth a listen on Youtube.  Here are the lyrics.

Wrapped in a blanket of hope
Asleep in the of dreams
My step into eternity was not what it might have been
Or not at all
For who knows which way the wind is gonna blow
I’m waiting for your gentle whisper

Distant child, my flower
Are you blowing in the breeze?
Can you feel me?
As I breathe life into you
In a while my flower
Somewhere in a desert haze
I know one day you’ll amaze me

An act of balancing, imagining the moment I can be
Looking deep into your eyes
For now a mystery
Or not at all
For who knows which way the wind is gonna blow
I’m waiting for your gentle whisper
[From: http://www.elyrics.net/read/k/kylie-minogue-lyrics/flower-lyrics.html%5D

Distant child, my flower
Are you blowing in the breeze?
Can you feel me?
As I breathe life into you
In a while my flower
Somewhere in a desert haze
I know one day you’ll amaze me

2 hearts in the hands of time
Your love bleeds into mine
I’ll be with you forever
And give you everything I am
Want you to understand
It’s you and I together

Distant child, my flower
Are you blowing in the breeze?
Can you feel me?
As I breathe life into you
In a while my flower
Somewhere in a desert haze
I know one day you’ll amaze me

It got me thinking, that most people may not realise that I finished ‘Running Free’ (www.gonnaflynowbook.com), 6 months after leaving hospital (available on Amazon/Nook) because I HAD to leave my kids a lasting legacy.

I knew I could have easily died on 7^th February 2010 and that I’d danced with death many times over my 8 months in hospital, so I was utterly desperate to leave a lasting testament, in my way words, as I saw things, in case I was to die young.

Quickly after starting my first book (only 11 months after my initial stroke), I realised how powerfully inspiring my experience would be for others around the world, who are were fighting their strokes, so I founded and established my Fighting Strokes charity. That was only January 2011.

But don’t ever forget that my initial inspiration and drive to write, was my three cherubs who were very young  (only 6, 9 & 10) at the time. Their obvious huge emotional loss and feelings they would harbour, in the future, as adults or parents themselves. I was obsessive that I finished my first (and second) book quickly. You see I was utterly convinced that I die of pneumonia and that my life at home was only a dream of wishful thinking, as I was actually in a bed with 24 hour care in a care home. (I was suffering post traumatic stress for months after leaving hospital and convinced until a doctor told me the risk was now reduced, since I wasnt lying in a bed all day.)

My children would now have to have something tangible to hold on to, when their motherly memories  faded, in the future.

But Kylie had some more pearls of wisdom this morning:

She said,

“What is normal? I’ll never be the same, you have to think it is your ‘new’ normal, you have to come to terms with it.” Oooh, that was very interesting, especially coming from her.

She also talked about how she got really ‘angry’ (Kylie doesn’t really do angry), when her people would give her endless “options”.

She didn’t want options, she just wanted the cancer to go away. I was always in denial and never accepted my stroke or disabilities (unless I was trying to pull a fast one with my Blue badge!) I guess there were never options in my mind,  I was just ALWAYS gonna beat the after affects of this and fight relentlessly back to ‘normal’.

Then she said, “to cope with cancer, you need to become a bit selfish. But that’s not in my nature, so I wrote kept working hard.”

Well, I admit I was selfish and I’m sorry. (Unlike Kylie)

My desire to get better at all costs. To leave a lasting legacy for my MY loved-ones, but I also to cope by giving back to others, with my books and charity. I know I’m getting emotionally better now, though I’m sure I will fall off the wagon at times, but I fully respect Katie and Kylie (and what’s more, it’s not cost a me a penny in Shrinks!!!)

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Todays news on Steve Wright:

Facebook is not the cause of low self-esteem — it could simply mean that people with low self-esteem are more likely to friend strangers than those with happy and healthy offline lives…. interesting.